


Saying Goodbye is the Hardest Part

by starrywrite



Category: Video Blogging & YouTube RPF
Genre: 2009 Phan, Angst, First Meetings, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-20
Updated: 2014-01-20
Packaged: 2018-01-09 11:24:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1145400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrywrite/pseuds/starrywrite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finally getting to meet Dan was the best day of Phil's life. Saying goodbye to him was the worst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saying Goodbye is the Hardest Part

**Author's Note:**

> this was inspired by some irl feels bc i just met one of my internet friends (who also dubs as one of the best friends i've ever had overall) for the first time ever last night after knowing her for almost four years, and it was the best day ever and saying goodbye to her this morning sUCKED and i was really sad so i channeled these feels into a fic :)
> 
> ~2009 phan cuteness with a little bit of angst~
> 
> disclaimer: phan is not real and i am in no way claiming this couple is real. i just ship them kinda hard.

_@amazingphil: @danisnotonfire 12 days!!_

Phil would be lying if he said he wasn’t counting down the days until Dan was coming to his house, because he was almost positive it was going to be the best day of his life. Because Dan was like his best friend and it was almost weird to think of him that way, because they had never met before. 

Truth be told, it’s kind of weird that he met Dan over the internet and he in no way expected him to have so much of a connection with him, but it happened and Phil doesn’t regret anything. They have so much in common it’s almost unreal - they love the same TV shows, the same music, the same films. And the more they talk, they more they realize how well they get on and Phil realizes that he’s never had a friendship like this before, one where he found himself wishing that they could meet in person together and actually hang out. He hadn’t ever anticipated making friends with someone who lived close to him but also far away from him. Because going from Dan’s house to Phil’s was just a train ride away (and a two day walk according to Dan, who looked it up on Google Maps because he was determined to walk to Phil’s… until they both realized that Dan would a) not make it to the end of his driveway and b) probably die about halfway there so it honestly wasn’t worth it), and Dan just got fired from his job at Asda so it wasn’t like he was swimming in cash to buy an infinite amount of train tickets (Phil wasn’t swimming in cash either, as he didn’t even have a job at the moment). So even though Phil really wanted to see Dan, he was content with waiting.

But now he didn’t have to wait anymore, and his stomach was swimming with butterflies whenever he thought about how Dan was going to be here soon. Sure, he still had to clean his room and make sure they had food because his parents were going to be away as well, but the fact of the matter is Dan is coming to see him. Finally. 

When he sees that it’s 12:01, he grabs his phone and texts Dan “11 days!!” because maybe he’s a little too excited but luckily, so is Dan.

* * * 

The day’s finally here and Phil knows it before his alarm even goes off, reminding him that today’s the day that Dan’s coming to see him. His heart’s pounding a little and his palms are sweaty and his stomach is doing flips and he can’t wipe the smile off of his face. He runs around all morning, doing some last minute cleaning and practically inhaling a cup of coffee because he was too wired to sleep last night and he doesn’t want to be tired when Dan comes over.  
When Dan texts him that his train is almost there

He sees Dan looking around the train station, wringing his hands together almost nervously, and Phil can’t help but to let out a loud yelp of excitement, catching Dan’s attention just in time because he’s broke out in a run headed towards him. Dan opens his arms, ready to grab him and hold onto him, and Phil all but runs into him, the two of them laughing as they hold each other. Phil’s grateful that they’re about the same height because he can bury his face against Dan’s shoulder as he hugs him as tight as he can, almost crying because he’s just so _happy_. 

“You’re real,” he says, and they both laugh because it’s ridiculous but Dan says, “ _You’re_ real,” right back to him, and they break their hug only to hug each other once more. 

“C’mon, let’s go!” Phil takes Dan’s hand, and Dan looks so happy and excited that his smile is Phil’s new favorite thing. 

They get back to Phil’s place as quickly as possible, and Dan gushes over how cool Phil’s room is and makes himself comfortable on Phil’s bed. And Phil’s just so relieved because he was worried about Dan feeling too awkward or nervous around him, but he can tell Dan feels right at home here in his room. Phil doesn’t hesitate to sit next to him and they engage themselves in what seems like a neverending conversation and every chance he gets, Phil pulls Dan in for a hug because he can’t get enough of hugging him and Dan hugs are his new favorite kind of hugs.

The day comes and goes, and Phil and Dan spend five hours straight talking about nothing and everything but the time goes by so quickly that they’re actually sitting in the dark at one point, not even realizing that the sun went down. And while it’s amazing that he and Dan can talk so much that the time literally flies by, he feels kind of sad because that means their day together is slowly coming to a close and that it’s closer to tomorrow when Dan has to leave and Phil has to say goodbye. 

He wishes there was some sort of guidebook for this; What To Do When You Meet Someone Totally Amazing Who Lives Too Far Away And You Can’t See Them Whenever You Want But You Finally Get To Meet Them And When They Finally Have To Leave You, You’re Really Freakin’ Sad. Or something with a catchier title. Because really, Phil doesn’t want Dan to leave. He just finally got him over and now he has to say goodbye? What kind of twisted fairness is that? He wishes it was a perfect world because then Dan would live closer and neither of them would have to worry about train tickets or anything and Phil can see him whenever he wants to.

Phil doesn’t want to think about that though, and he pretends that Dan isn’t leaving tomorrow and he enjoys the rest of the day they spend together, complete with pizza and _Dead Poet’s Society_ and they don’t leave Phil’s bed for hours. And it’s the perfect day.

It gets to be two in the morning, and he can tell Dan’s fighting it but he drifts off to sleep, and Phil just wraps an arm, pulling him in close, trying not to think about how tomorrow they’ll have to say goodbye.

* * *

Dan and Phil lie in bed together for as long as they can before it’s almost inevitable that Dan has to get up and get dressed, because his train leaves in a few hours and Phil’s not mentally prepared to say goodbye. 

He leaves Dan to get dressed and makes himself a pot of coffee (yes, a whole pot for him because Dan doesn’t really drink coffee and damn it, if Phil doesn’t deserve a pick-me-up) and he can’t help but to already start to feel the sadness sinking at the it of his stomach. It isn’t fair. Why can’t Dan just live next door to him? Or down the street at least? Why does he have to be so far away where they can’t see each other as often as they would like it? 

Phil takes a deep breath; he has to calm down. He can’t cry because then Dan will cry, and he doesn’t want Dan upset. Especially not after they both had such an amazing day together. Especially not since they both know that today is going to be terrible. 

Dan’s fully dressed when he sneaks into the kitchen and wraps his arms around Phil’s waist as he drinks his coffee, resting his head on the older boy’s shoulder. “I don’t want to leave,” he says.

“I don’t want you to leave either,” Phil says in reply, and he tilts his head to the side, resting it atop of Dan’s.

“Can I live in your wardrobe?” he asks. 

Phil chuckles a little. “My wardrobe’s actually terrifying, that’s why I told you not to look inside,” Dan chuckles lightly. “I think if you went in there, the closet monster might eat you,” Phil places his mug down to turn around and properly face Dan. “Besides, you’re afraid of the dark and you don’t like mess, and my wardrobe is both of those things,”

“I’ll deal with it,” Dan shrugs, and gives Phil a small lopsided smile and adds, “You’re worth it,” 

Phil’s throat feels tight and if Dan says another word, he may actually cry because he wants Dan to stay forever and he doesn’t want to say goodbye. Wordlessly, he pulls Dan into a hug and he stands there hugging him until his coffee goes cold and he knows they can’t waste anymore time.

“C’mon,” Phil sighs sadly, but forces a smile. “You’ve got a train to catch,”

* * *

Taking Dan back to the train station actually sucks and part of him wishes that the bus will break down or they’ll get there and find out he actually missed his train, but sadly, everything goes right and before they know it, Dan and Phil are walking through Manchester Station to lead Dan to his train. They’re a few minutes early, and Dan turns on his heel to face Phil, reaching out to take his hand in his own. Phil rubs his thumb over the back of Dan’s hand, and they both know what’s going to happen next. 

This is it. The goodbye scene.

If this were a movie, Phil would want to fast forward over this part but it’s real life and he has to deal with it. He doesn’t say anything at first and he just pulls Dan into a tight hug, and just holds him for a moment, closing his eyes and sighing heavily. This isn’t the last time he’ll see Dan, of course it isn’t. But it feels like it is because he loves Dan and Dan is leaving and he doesn’t want to say goodbye to him. 

“Text me when you’re home,” he chokes out after a moment of silence. “You know, so I know that you made it back in one piece,” Dan nods, not saying anything, and Phil breaks their hug, cupping his face in his hands. “We’re going to see each other again soon, okay?” he says, and he’s not sure if he’s reiterating this because Dan literally looks like a kicked puppy right now or if he just needs to head it one more time. “You’re going to come back over a lot, and you’re going to get so sick of seeing me,” Dan cracks a little smile. “And we’re going to see movies together and get Starbucks together and I’m going to clear out a drawer for you because that’s how often you’ll be over,”

Dan chuckles a little, but his eyes still look sad and he pulls Phil into another hug. “I love you,” he murmurs against his shoulder. 

Phil’s heart feels heavy and he just squeezes him back tightly, whispering, “I love you too,” because he can’t say the words “goodbye” and “I love you,” is just enough for the both of them. They just stand there hugging until the last possible second and Dan has to get on his train. 

Phil feels like he should just start heading here because standing there watching Dan leave is like ripping a band aid off as slowly as possible, but he doesn’t. And he watches Dan walk away and watches him as he gets on the train and it feels like today is the absolute worst day ever because he misses Dan already. He can’t help it when he feels his eyes brimming up with tears just a little bit as he stands there, watching Dan’s train depart. He can see the younger boy peeking out the window and he gives Phil a little wave. Phil musters up a smile and waves back, already counting down the days until he’ll be seeing Dan again.


End file.
